Excerpts from a transcript of a 2009 episode of Cheaters

ANNOUNCER

Joel “Doggie” Hines, age 33, a musician afraid that his girlfriend may be doing double-time with another man.

DOGGIE

I met Jackie at a show my band was doing over at CBGBs and we just, sort of, hit it off right from the beginning.

You know, she’s really smart and pretty funny and we just, sort of, it’s one of those things, you know.

Next thing we knew we were spending a lot of time together and just, sort of, took off.

My last two girlfriends had cheated on me, and I don’t know if it’s just a feeling, know if it’s just a feeling, you know.

I, sort of, didn’t even realize that they were, you know.

It was, like, one of those things I was, sort of, blind to it, and so I think I’m just very suspicious of all girls in general.

It’s always in the back of your mind, you know, like, no matter how much someone tells you they love you or, like, whatever, it’s just in the back of your mind, you know.

That’s what the last person said, too, and it’s, like, it’s hard to describe the feeling but it’s — I think it is effecting me, like, look at this whole thing now, you know.

If I had never been, you know, cheated on before I probably wouldn’t have these suspicions, you know.

That’s why I think this will at least get it out of my system one way or the other hopefully.

If I really find out she’s really cheating on me, I think it’s going to be pretty — it’s going to be a drag.

I mean it’s hard to say because it’s almost like I’m used to it now and I almost expect it, so I, sort of, feel like I’m half prepared for it but, you know, I mean dreading it obviously but I can’t imagine, you know, being able to trust another girl, so that’s kind of horrible to try to think you’re not going be able to trust someone, you know.

Three strikes you’re out, I mean, you know.

It’s not like I’m going to go with the other team or anything but I think it would be a while before I was calling anyone on the phone.

Hard to say.

JOEY

Do you recognize that guy?

DOGGIE

Yeah, that’s my guitar player, Eric.

Yeah, I don’t appreciate that [bleeped] too much.

JOEY

Does she kiss all your band members?

DOGGIE

Not that I know of.

JOEY

We continued the investigation and we identified that as your rehearsal studio.

DOGGIE

I mean he has this [bleeped] rep, you know, among musicians, but I didn’t think it was for this.

I thought it was for guitar playing.

JOEY

On this day of the investigation she meets him again — dinner.

DOGGIE

On my street, thank you.

JOEY

So we’ve got a pattern established.

DOGGIE

What a [bleeped] of [bleeped] — at least I know.

At least I know.

All the same, you know, my feelings were pretty correct.

JOEY

On this day of the investigation Jackie arrives at a local bar.

DOGGIE

That’s nice.

Cheers, yeah good.

JOEY

This is your girlfriend, your band member.

DOGGIE

That’s my [bleeped] neighborhood.

JOEY

Now, I know this is not what you want to see.

We were able to get some of the videos from the surveillance camera of your building.

DOGGIE

That’s a pattern, all right — male [bleeped] pattern baldness, too.

ANNOUNCER

Following the confrontation, “Doggie” Hines recorded feeling a variety of emotions.

He says he’s quite angry with his girlfriend and will not tolerate a cheating partner, asserting that he knows many women who would love to be with him.

Doggie says that being in the band exposes him to all kinds of willing females and that he intends to take full advantage of his status now that he is a free man.

He’s also very disappointed with his guitarist, Epic, and will soon be hold auditions for a replacement.

Doggie made it clear that he intends to make it as a rock star and that Epic will regret sleeping with his girlfriend.

There’s an iOS game I like a lot called Hoplite, pictured in the bottom right. For fun I wanted to try redoing the art and interface. I tried literal translations at first, but switched to a style meant to evoke chess puzzles you find in newspapers. In the final pass, I applied the original palate to the chess assets.

We all seem to share the fear that one day someone will realize and point out that we have been faking it the whole time and really have no idea what we’re doing. Why hasn’t that actually happened to the people that work at jelly bean companies that aren’t Jelly Belly?

Facebook’s Analog Research Lab was kind enough to ask me to design some posters for their new farm.

An in-between step from some doodling that I almost used as my Halloween avatar cuz I like the empty voidness of it.

An in-between step from some doodling that I almost used as my Halloween avatar cuz I like the empty voidness of it.